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Sunday, March 1, 2015

Dilema seorang ibu yang bekerja

Emak mana yang sampai hati nak tinggalkan anaknya yang menangis bagai nak rak bila hantar ke rumah pengasuh atau tukar rumah pengasuh...
Mungkin ramai je yang sampai hati
Tapi segarang-garang aku bila anak melalak kt rumah pengasuh sebab resistant nak pergi aku tak sampai hati
Masuk kereta aku yang melalak balik blaming myself. Kenapa patut jadi macam tu? Kalau aku tak kerja sure anak tak terseksa macam tu.
Aku dibesarkan dengan keadaan macam tu.
Bertukar pengasuh adalah biasa kot.
Masa tu aku kecik dan mungkin tak faham sangat separation anxiety.
Yang tau melalak je la nak mak.
Sampai sekolah kot kat asrama macam tu.

Cuma masalah aku sekarang kes anak aku ni.
Aku dalam dilema. Antara dua pengasuh.
Yang lama memang oklah. Underpaid.
Senang sebab sebaya. Cuma anak die da besar2.
Yang 2nd sebab aku terpaksa cari masa 1st pengasuh tak dapat jaga sebab kecemasan keluarga yang aku expect lama.
Disebabkan aku baru naik kerja lepas berpantang, so aku agak reluctant dan terpaksa cari pengasuh lain yang end upnya dapat yang sejengkal dengan rumah aku dan akak tu pulak nak sangat jaga anak-anak aku.

Aku ni ada penyakit susah nak say no. Yang 1st pengasuh tu ingat aku hantar kat 2nd tu for temporary. Aku dah cakap yang aku nak terus hantar kat 2nd tu like selamanya. Tapi dia tak sanggup nak berpisah dengan anak 2nd aku tu yang dia jaga daripada aku habis pantang.

Pening mikir.  Aku tak sampai hati. Ada yang aku buat gilir-gilir nanti sebab nak menangkan dua2 pihak.

Shifting Caregiver

........ is giving the most nightmare to the working mom.
But I am thankful for having a new caregiver who is nearer to my house (just opposite to my block and within the walking range) BUT to deal with their anxiety AGAIN??!!! is the most thing I try to avoid.

Which mom has heart to see their kid's cannot-letting-mom-go face or crying?
I'm crying too baby. But of course I can't show it. Put a firm face and run to car, slammed the door and drove away. But I'm crying inside.

The first day drama, the baby starts crying when i passed her to the new mak which she is reluctant at first and there's her sister started to cry and put on slipper and down the stairs and walks through the car. I was like...girls..I'll be late sending your brother to school. Calmly, I picked her up kissed her and told her I'll be back at noon and you will be alright here. Just like your umi. I promised to bring you to park this evening if you stop crying.
It didn't work...
So, I put her back to their mak house, and dozed off.

I hit steering and asked why this has to be happen.
I hate to deal with their anger and anxiety, I feel bad.
Coz I understand their feeling. I have been brought up that way. Both parents are working.
But I have to.

I start engine, check them through rear mirror and WEEPs.
That's so me.
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